“Our standards as women is determined by God and not men”- Yasmin Mogahed
As women, we have been made to believe that our value is dependent on factors outside of ourselves and this has become the practice and accepted norm.Her value is determined by whether she is married or not, if she has children or not among other factors.
If you are not married, you are seen as being incomplete because a man completes her and without him her life is meaningless. This results in many women from the age where they are deemed to be matured for marriage to start worrying about getting married. If she can’t seem to attract a suitor in a good time, friends and families will continuously make remarks that make her feel bad about herself.
Marriage is a Sunnah of the Prophet (Peace be upon him)and as muslims, we know that celibacy is not permitted in our deen but we shouldn’t always blame a woman for being unmarried at a particular age especially in circumstances where it’s obvious that nobody seems to be coming her way. She can’t “manufacture” men to marry her so why the pressure to get married. This might just be her own test from God and we as a people are not making it easy for her to pass this test. Lots of women get married early but that does not mean everyone will get married early. We were created differently with various capacities so our stories can never be the same.
This same pressure is what would make some women settle for less and end up living a miserable life except something happens that changes the story for them.
Marriage is one of the ways that we get to God but that does not make it the only way. As a muslimah, that you are unmarried does not mean you will not be able to please your creator in other ways. But the problem starts when men become the standard by which we live our lives. Men were also created with their limitations like you and I and should not be the standard by which we should live. When we make men the standard for our lives, we will continue to feel empty, we will continue to search, we will continue to be enslaved and never be free.
True freedom only comes when we make our creator our standard. The standard by which we will treat everyone we come in contact with. The standard of God is one that makes you strive to love, care, show empathy, be compassionate, loyal, faithful to everyone etc including your spouse.
God created us as women with special and unique capabilities that men cannot match. He saw something special in you by creating a woman that will be assigned special responsibilities. He is the standard to live by because he is the one that will heal you, mend you, protect and guide you and most importantly love you more than your mother could and ever will.
Our true value and worth as women can never be appreciated by anyone if we do not see these ourselves.
To sisters out there seeking to get married and the pressure is almost killing you, the following are things that will help you
- Find something productive to take up your time
- Get a new hobby
- Learn something new,
- Develop yourself so that you can become a better person
Most importantly, raise your hands in dua to your maker to grant you ease in your affairs, hold firmly onto him for he is the support that never tires or weaken, pray that he gives you the grace and strength to weather this stormy period of your life, pray that he grants you the ability to see the wisdom in making you wait and the patience to wait.
Be rest assured that his help will come and worry less about the time when it will come.
Love and Regards.