From that day, Fatimah felt better than she had in a long time but she wanted to make this feeling last and most importantly, she wanted to sustain it because she still felt very unstable.
She remembered that it started with a single Sajdah that night so she decided to intensify it. She would communicate more to her Lord and this usually made her feel strong enough to tackle whatever issues were coming.
Days rolled into weeks, weeks into months and she felt like she was beginning to drift back. She would have nothing of that again and she needed more but she did not how to get it. She asked her Lord to guide all through such that she would remain in the path while searching.
It was just like any other day, a friend had shared a post on Face book and she read through. Suddenly, it dawned on her that this was what she had been seeking. She looked it up and found it had more enlightening and inspiring information. The message was very clear and lit a bulb in her head. The person who wrote the article discussed why as humans we hurt and feel broken due to failed relationships. She explained that it was because all the time we put those relationships were only our Rabb was meant to be. This relationship ends up hurting and damaging us because these things “relationships, wealth, fame, status” can never fit the place of our creator in our heart. She read it till the end and the writer went to discuss how people could heal and feel whole again after such pain in their lives.
Simply put all the speaker was trying to say that as humans we need to put Allaah where he should be in our heart so that we are stronger from within to tackle all the issues we face.
This was the beginning of another Journey in Fatimah’s life. She reflected deeply and realized why she had been hurting from all the relationships she had been in for most of her life. She realized why she never enjoyed the relationship with her family which was one of the blessings she had and could never replace with any.
Subuhanallaah, to think that she had been the cause of her problem, and she had been blamed everyone but herself.
She realized that all she had been searching for was her Lord because with him was the love and fulfillment she craved for.
She had been a journey of so much pain, what ifs and she so many thoughts of regrets but one thing that stood out amidst all of these was she had been seeking the love and fulfillment she desired in the wrong places, she had put her burden on the wrong support and because it was too fragile it broke and hurt her in the process, she sought the perfect relationship with an human without realizing that the only perfect relationship was the one she built with her Lord.
Heart filled with gratitude, tears sprang to Fatimah’s eyes and she cried her eyes out not to anyone but to her master asking for his forgiveness, for him to help her to be a slave that had a good relationship with him.
It was not an easy one but as the days rolled by Fatimah began found the peace she desperately sought in no one but her Lord. She came to understand that all she had faced and passed through were due to his love for her and not because he was angry with her or because nothing good could happen to her. She learnt to smile and be happy despite everything because staying sad could lead to despair and that would mean belittling the capability of her lord.
She realized that she was not and could never be perfect, that she would still have struggles to deal with but she knew better now that it’s a life long journey and nobody can ever claim to have it all.
She learnt to turn to him whenever she felt down and low, to help ease that which is heavy within her, to lighten her burden, to protect her from shaytan and all his antics.
Most importantly, she learn not to beat herself when she forgot and slipped , because as humans, we are forgetful by nature and our Rabb will not prosecute us when we fall short provided we turn back to him.
Empowered with all these information, Fatimah found the love and fulfillment she sought in her Al- Wadood and this marked a new beginning for her and with this we end the story of her search for Love and fulfillment.
Hope you enjoyed this story in the Diary of a striving Muslimah’s Series. In Shaa Allaah, we will bring more stories to educate and enlighten us all.
Love and Regards.