To forgive or not to forgive

                    “To err is human and to forgive is divine”

From experiences and relationships we have in life, we might feel hurt and pain over some and we might cherish some wonderful relationships we have for life.

But amidst all of these, when you feel pain over an experience and try to heal so that you move forward regardless, there are some relationships that because of the way they are, you will have to continue relating with people that hurt you.

In order to relate with them from a standard higher than theirs, we are usually advised to forgive them but there are some peculiar situations where this people will continue to hurt you over and over again. You know you should forgive but forgetting is very difficult. Worse still, they continue to reopen the wounds over and over again with their actions. So you are in a dilemma,

  1. How do you think of this person that does not act sober?
  2. How do you really forgive this person?
  3. How do you let go when they keep on repeating this?
  4. How do you remain civil with them?

Then I heard a Hadith of the prophet (Peace be upon him) when he said a believer is not stung twice from the same hole. But one would conclude from the actions mentioned above that one is being stung over and over again. So the dilemma worsens for you and you wonder how do you really adhere to this hadith.

Subsequently, I spoke to someone and his counsel was thus: “You relate with them as you should but never trust them to the extent that they can harm you again in the area they have caused you pain”

Furthermore, I listened to a lecture by Mufti Menk where he spoke on forgiving people and relating with them afterwards. His words in summary were:

  1. You forgive people for the pain they caused you but that does not mean you go and hug them
  2. You forgive people but you do not forget because that in future will help you from getting hurt by them again
  3. When someone repeatedly cause you pain, you do not really need to forgive them anymore.

This gave me the closure and peace I sought because I was beginning to feel like I was not learning. More importantly, I was able to:

  1. Realize the deeper meaning of the saying that “Circumstances are the true revealer of a person’s personality”
  2. See the real wisdom behind getting hurt over and over again. I needed to see who the person was in reality beyond conviction because of their actions.
  3. Learn that I was being prepared for the future when people would hurt you even when you did them no harm and still live life as I should

Hope this has added more color to your day. If you enjoyed this please share and drop your comments in the box below.

Love and Regards


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